I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
by William Wordsworth 1804
I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Who can say it better? Except I haven’t felt Lonely for God knows how long. My heart’s settled even though I am by myself most of the time, and my monster neighbor has sent me to ER so many times and so many times I kept wonder if my body would survive the daily ongoing poison gas I’ve been forced to suck in my frail body for almost 3 years. It’s ordeal after ordeal after ordeal.
Anyway, it’s just so much different than the old young days that lonely and struggling was such a constantly sentiment in my life although there were always people I worked with, studied with, and lived with around me. Life is just so funny and strange.
Through so many hardship and struggles that I chose instead of settling for something so much easier and more convenient yet not to my heart’s desire, my heart remains kind tender and compassionate (as I myself is sick or weak all the time), whenever I can afford to, haha, not that I can’t flip into a fierce nasty tiger or, may be a hyena when crossed, hahahaha. Maybe it’s because I was almost always loved and spoiled rotten, ha ha ha esp. by the ones that count, there were just so much countless memories I don’t make a point to pull out but exist in my subconscious that I know would sustain me and that I would cherish till the end of my world. I don’t show nor I think that much about it but I know I care a lot deep in my heart. Or just maybe my mother’s blood is in my vein. Thank you thank you, mom and all my lucky stars. Grateful for all for being part of my life experiene.
What a wonderful night. It didn’t hit me until I went to my yard to feed my tangerine babe with my orange and grapefruit smoothie. There are so many many little green tangerines and soon to turn into tons pure sweet juicy orange balls dangling in the tree waiting for the monkey to climb up the tree to cherry pick and eat on the spot everyday for months. Some of them are touching my hair as if to say hello to me. Yum yum yum.
Thank you babe, you never fail to reward me. My trees and my flower and my bush babes, a mere sight of you makes me happy.
A cool mix of the purest, sweetest unpolluted air from the ocean not far away with no poisoning gas mix in to drifted to my nostril like it used to be before hell broke. Standing under the protection of my trees and plants, feeling the cool breeze gently touch my hair and caress my body, I looked up at the sky, I can see stars twinkle through the tree leaves high in the dark blue sky with clouds around them here and there. There is not a soul around. The soft music from my room drift to my ears through the tranquil air of the night. I remember the one way chemical war began, the countless days and countless evening and nights, I sit on my swing with my home made tea, sometimes with my little fluffy bird snuggle with me, bathing in the soft sunlight or sunset, feeling the gentle breeze like tonight lightly brush over me, Time and space stopped to exist, a wave of tenderness flustered my heart and tears filled my eyes. What a wonderful feeling to feel the peace and relaxation cuddling all over my body. Grateful for good air, Cross my finger there’d be more. monsters finally need to getting some sleep as well. when they poison me to the point I squeal all night long, nobody could sleep. and grateful that everything else is also back to what it used to be again. Chao